despise

You despised the shame
Took all the blame
For the joy set before

You endured the Tree
Set so many Free
Sit at the right hand of the throne

You are the Author
The perfecter
Faith is lost without

Urge us onward
To Run this race
Enduring as you endured

Surrounded we are
By so many saints
Set encumbrance a side

You despised the shame
For the joy that was set before
You endured the tree
Sit now at the right hand
You authored and perfected

You did it all
No one else would do
You took it all
Something no one else could do

great cloud of witnesses

I watch you ride a tidal wave

I watch you ride so effortlessly 

I sit here and flounder

Wondering how I get from here to there

I was on that wave for a time

I was there riding the swell

I was full of the thrill

knowing this was my life

Where did it go?

Why am I left here?

I knew that feeling

Now all I know is confusion

Am I worth saving?

Am I worth using?

Am I worth the rescue?

Am I?

I am surrounded by a great cloud of witnesses

I am surrounded by those who would do what they are called to

I am surrounded by those who are alive with the calling

I am surrounded by those who profess you

God

God I am not worth you

God I am not worth your son

God "I AM"

I see myself to often

I don't see you enough

I rode the wave of emotion and joy

I forgot the source

I equated that wave with something else

I equated that wave with someone else

I held you responsible for the denial of my will

I didn't hold myself responsible for the denial of yours

All my words are dust 

All my dreams are waste

compared to yours 

compared to yours

What is it that you desire

What is it that you hold dear

What is it that you would have for me

What is it "I AM"?

guilt and repentance

I have been struggling with the contrast between guilt and repentance. They appear to be linear partners. First comes guilt, then remorse, and finally repentance. In the eyes of the law the progression is linear, but I am not referencing that type of guilt. from this point on guilt will not portray a fact, but rather a feeling. I am guilty of being a broken human in need of a savior. The guilt that plagues is the guilt of emotion. I have been stuck in this guilt. I had a realization today. Possibly it is more of a remembrance of fact. If I am truly freed from judgement of the wrong I do then should I not also be free from the emotional guilt as well? Why is it then that when free from that emotional guilt I have been falling back into the same wrongdoing? It creates the need to feel that emotional guilt in order to feel safe from the temptation of the action. Have I been called to be free from the burden of guilt? This is the dillema. Are we free? The Word of God tells us we are. If I can't escape it and need the guilt just to put sin off how am I free? Is God's truth he gave us real? How does repentance place in this picture? Repentance is the turning away from whatever sin, wrongdoing, or whatever you wish to call it. Guilt holds you back from escaping because it reminds you of the wrong you did. I think that if we alone were responsible for all problem and sin in the world it would create a spiral of death. I am not sure there would be an escape because every wrong thought each of us had could only come from that person. It would mean that there would never be hope of change. At least in the world as it is now. Fortunately there is a true tempter. A being who's only motivation is to cause God's beloved creation to fall and do wrong. This being, who some call Satan, the Devil, the Snake, the Adversary, and many other names, can be blamed for the outside temptation. It does not create an excuse for the bad I do. He may be the tempter, but he can not make me do things that I do not already have desires to do. He does explain why I can be so sin free for a long period of time and then stumble again. Satan is the one who wishes to trap me in guilt so that I do not see that I am free of it. He is the one who uses my sin nature to crush my belief that I am free to so shroud me in guilt and sinful pleasure that I dwell on the wrong instead of true repentance. Some may say it is just an escape and I would agree. It is an escape, but it does not mean it is not also true or that we should not accept it as truth. Satan is the father of lies we must cling to the truth God has given us. If we believe some of it we must believe all of it.