discontent

Is it ok to be discontent? I know that the bible says to be content in any situation. I feel discontentment with how much I am involved with speaking to large groups. I feel discontentment with how much I want to be part of something. I feel discontentment with where I am at in life. I feel discontentment.

I always blamed God that he never put me in the right circumstances. I always blamed God. I never tried to make steps. I never tried anything at all. I just tried to survive. I want more than just survival out of life. I want more than just a life. I want to be alive.

All of these things I am discontent with are in front of me. telling me that I am a failure. That I am not where I want to be. Telling me that I need something else in life than you. You are not enough. What you have given me is not enough. I need more. Always more.

Its strange that my desire for more comes at the place of ministry. I want more of that. I want more joy and excitement.

God my heart is bursting to see your glory manifest in this world. I am dying to see it made real. I am dying to see the glory of the Lord. I am dying to see you in truth.

Burn away our misconceptions. Burn away our expectations. Burn away all that we are. Make us a burning bush. On fire but not consumed.

It drives me away. Away from what you have called me to. Away from what you want me to be. Towards and idea but not reality.

Burn away all that is me.
Burn away all that is lie.
turn me around instead
until i face the direction you have for me.

Take all that is of not of you
break me out of the habits I am in
These idols I hold
provision
protection
all of it is counted lost for you

I remember the times I have had with LAS How alive I felt.
I also remember how much it broke me
What do I do?
How do I live?

Two sides and fear
What do I do?

Truth

Jesus
Messiah
Covenant
Kingdom
Body
Spirit
Father
Son
Existence
Sin
Eden
Promise
Fulfillment
Eternity
Love

original

I don't really know how to write down my thoughts on this

I watched a movie tonight with Amy called Lucy. It was not very good, but it made for an interesting social sign post. Its like the tower of babel all over again. We strive to reach the heavens, perfection, or control. Its the original sin of Adam and Eve over and over again. We want to be like God. Understand the universe. Be able to manifest our own destiny. To that end we create characters who achieve this and then show the way for the rest of mankind. Whether it be super heros or other types of people we are always looking for the great savior. The movement now seems to be that we as a people will become our own saviors. We can't accept outside help. We want to be like God, create ourselves in our own image. We desire to achieve understanding of the universe.