Force

I am going to break the code once again, since I can not think of any good poems or at least poems that I don't mind writing I think I am just going to post some thoughts. What have I been thinking? Home that is an interesting comment you see I spent almost all of the day in the library today reading a book that parallels very loosely the act of Jesus dying for our sins. It was a loose jumble of what has happened and what is praised to happen with the second coming. It was quiet interesting to read a good book to read in itself. Add to that the deeper meanings of some of the "symbology" of the book and it becomes a thinker. The main plot behind the book is a bunch of people who live in the complete dark day and night. They live by the sea and die by the sea. There is nothing but momentary flashes of light to brighten there world. There religion is based on one who comes from the world above (they live in the depths of the earth) to show them the light. This man will bring forth their ascent to the light above and to real life once again. This is quite obvious to the Jews, it even parallels us as well, they walked in the spiritual darkness without having received the light and salvation of Christ yet. Once the light came no one recognized it. The Jesus figure of the book was a crippled disfigured little man who could not even walk on his own two feet. He had to use canes to move. This cripple who no one understood and who always spoke in riddles comes to be at the end of the book salvation for all those who would accept it.

Why am I posting this? I am not truly sure myself other than my heart has been stirred lately. I don't know what else to do. It seems sometimes that I have no outlet in too which I can share these thoughts. Even if I did it seems that my words would not suffice to communicate the depths of longing in my heart. Have you ever longed so dearly for something that was completely out of reach? Do you ever starve for the truth but find only shadows and glimpses? Do you long for the whole light only to catch glimpses and reflections? Right about now I am wondering what my title has to do with this post. Well maybe it is the ever unchanging force behind all things. That mysterious force that compels us onward at the same time it feels narrowly out of reach. Something just out of grasp flickering just beyond the edge of our sight. This haunting presence wills me to follow more closely to what I know is true, to believe the promises of one who was and is born of spiritual light. This thing reminds me that there is a God who is much bigger than I. It reminds me of what I am. A lost child, a lonely recluse, a man searching for purpose bigger than himself, A human that has to believe that we can live in unity with each other. A being that has been given hope even when he has only grief.

Who has granted me this transformation? How can such a man who comes from such sordid a past claim such things? It is something I can not answer. It is a free gift something that I could not acquire. No. This was a gift of a God who is righteous but at the same time loving. A God full of mercy and wrath at the same time. A God that seems a vast complex of Ironies. It is something I can not claim. It is something I can not even truly explain. It is the miraculous.

redemption

A man stood for what was right and did no wrong.
We killed him.
Many years later I see you.
something new
the joys of this world did not last,
instead I am here a fleeting wreck.
once again the man returns
I don't know his face
but he promises life.
I see my ruin and believe
there has to be more.
who is this man?
what right does he have
to say that he can offer me something more than I am?
the real question from a real human.
The world promises life and love.
But brings only death.
it keeps you tight wrapped in sastisfaction
but soon it will leave you balling in the wreck of what brought you satisfaction.
who are you to offer me satisfaction of all things?

a letter to God

dear God, I feel it now. this knowledge of something I can not know. A burden for something personal and true. God if your glory is so present in this world you created release me from this place of impersonality. I want to shine I want to talk with you as a father and son. God I want you. I am nothing more than an empty shell. sitting here typing words without you. If I need you so than how can I live without you? I am nothing short of dead without your breath. It was that breath that brought me from the dust, do not deprive me of it now. Heal me from my iniquities. Heal me from the wounds of others. God mold me unto your character. Guide me in your ways. God rather than all of this your will be done. I am nothing and you truly are everything. All that I wish could not even compare to a day in your plan. My wants and needs are secondary to the great love of Christ. Keep this strong within my bones. Let my will fade from this place. let my heart beat with unison to your song. Let my eyes shine with the glory of a risen king. Let me feet travel to the whisper of your love. Let my ears follow the proclomation of your will. Let me follow you sad and rag covered as I am. I deserve nothing from you, I do not ask out of belief that I should recieve. Rather I ask because you are God. I ask because you have stired in my heart the hope of salvation, salvation from self and this world. I ask because I believe. I ask because there is nothing else I can do. I am completely at your mercy there is nothing else I can do but bow and submit my requests. Do not forsake me the wretch that I am. I will not survive. hear my cry o father. Hear my heart tear. O praise you...... take this heart Dear God... Take this heart....

Letter

I sit here amazed
who are you?
I feel your very touch
it reaches down through my spirit
my days feel inadequate
Trajedy of life
watching from a viewpoint
hoping and waiting for a change
Oh dear one
to you I cry
oh father carry me
keep this life
reach me now
oh please reach me now.

alone

I miss you but you wont leave me alone
I see you but you don't seem to disappear
you charge me to condone
But I will never adhere

I have lost all words to find the meaning
searching endlessly for a picture to demolish
Irony of plain sight being simple
it all comes down to this
nothingness
everything is meaningless chase after the wind.

confusion

I want to talk to you,
but what to say?
I can don nothing so I give it to you
I am so unable
please be with us and lead us.
by you we will be able to survive